Thought of March

As I sit here waiting for inspiration to strike me; it strikes me that inspiration might just be the lazy man’s excuse to procrastinate.  To say that I have procrastinated to update my blog would be a gross understatement.  Melissa does a wonderful job at updating her blog and sharing her thoughts and keeping all the readers updated on all family information.  If you want more information then please head on over to her site and see what is going on. http://melissa-brooks@blogspot.com is the link for those who are waiting for the inspiration.

I spent most of March traveling and working and traveling and eating.  If you have seen the pictures on Facebook then you know what I am talking about. If not then you just might have to take a look.

So why start writing now?  The answer is simple.  There has been so much going on the past month or two that I think it is easier to process all of this if I write it down.  Since I can’t read my own writing, most of the time, I am typing it out and putting it up here.  Part is for other people to read but mostly it’s for me to read and remember.  Remember what?   Well I Think it’s important to remember that no matter what life throws at you, no matter how hard things seem, or how hard they actually are, no matter who is put in your life,  and no matter what issues they bring with them, it is never more than you can handle.  God is not like some puppet master who sees fit to constantly embarrass or overwhelm us for his own amusement. That is not to say that God will not stretch us so that we can grow and learn and become better people and Christ-followers, but it is never more than we can handle.  He uses these situations or times to help us understand ourselves.  God knows when you are ready to grow.  You may not always agree with God, but that is an argument that never ends well, at least not for me.

I am not the best writer and make no claim to be any good.  I write like I talk and talking IS something I think I am good at.  That does not always or ever equate to literary masterpieces, but I think I have the ability to share my Point of View as well as most people.  I am very opinionated and not very likely to be swayed but at the same time I can respect another Point of View without taking it personal.  My decisions are based on logic first and emotion second. While this may explain a lot about me, it by no means, is definite.  Different situations result in different decisions.  Knowing that it becomes apparent that God puts situations in life that do not make sense, logically.  These require me to exercise the weaker side of my character: my emotions.  For example:  The opportunity presented itself for Melissa and I to have a chance to adopt an infant that was not 100% healthy.  This little boy had health issues.  Some more serious than others, but after having two beautiful healthy little girls anything not 100% healthy could prove challenging.  So I approached this decision first with logic.  Insurance will cover it? Check. Health issues are treatable and/or curable? Mostly check. Child mortality and prognosis? Good. Logically everything seemed alright.  Not ideal, but life rarely is.  It became apparent to me that this was going to be more than a logical choice.  It would become an emotional choice.  I am not good at this. Then all the questions started coming?  Could I love this child like I love my other children? Yes.  Will I grow to resent the fact that he was not born healthy?  Nope, why would I?  It’s not his fault. And they kept coming and coming.  Mostly related to his health but there was also the fact that this child will be adopted and there a whole slew of questions that require personal reflection just because of that.

So I dealt with the emotional questions like I always do and I prayed and let God answer them in his time.  I know my weakness.  I know that decisions based on my emotions are usually bad decisions. I see a problem I want to fix it.  I can’t let it sit.  How much sense does that make?  Logically is makes none.  Emotionally it might make sense, but again I don’t rely on that.  So I pray, and wait, and pray, and wait and pray some more.  An answer usually presents itself and it is always a perfect answer.  This goes to show you that when you put your trust and faith in a perfect being you will get a perfect answer, every time.  It didn’t work out the way I wanted it to.  We didn’t get the little boy, but I know he went to a family that will love and cherish and care for him in the same way Melissa and I would have.  That brings me peace.  I am more at peace with the fact that God has something different, something better in store for my family.  My job is to lead and trust in the direction he is taking us. Matthew 17:20 comes to mind and my response to God is: “God I don’t want to move a mountain” and his response to me is “I know.”